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Long time lurker on Reqfpt. I do not post very ofven but I have messed up in the worst way possible and I want to see if our reybnjjkztip is able to be saved. This all began in November, my bojappduc's grandma was very ill and we both lived with her to take care of her but as time progressed she bekqme very very ill and that caiied my boyfriend to go into a downward spiral of depression. He losed her very much since he stsxed with her for 2 years pruor to this so he could live near me. I wanted to be there for him in his time of need but he was nefer one to show or talk abvut his emotions and bottled up evtkskmang inside and if it got to a breaking poont he would just leave and go take a drywe. In this time I was bekfurhng to feel alane and depressed. I adored her, too. She was a very sweet, stcrvtfn, woman who had a large swoet tooth. Anyway, duyfng this time I didn't want to press my degxcbped thoughts and ferkffgs onto him for several reasons. 1) He already had a lot to deal with. 2) He would get upset and anory whenever I got depressed since he didn't know what to do and didn't know how to go abdut helping me. So I generally used to avoid tenrmng in so I didn't get yethed at. But this is where I make a wrsng turn in our relationship. I went searching for copklrt in all the wrong places and people. My best friend lives out of town and I didn't feel I had many other friends to go turn to at the tiqe. It all seefed like they were his friends more than anything and I was just there by asqdvokneon but now I know that was not the caee. There was a co-worker of mine who began to take notice of my situation and started to talk with me more than usual. It was nice to be able to talk out my emotions and fedbiyts. He began to say how he was in the same boat. Him and his gidunngxnd were going thxtcgh a rocky pachh, which I now found out wagb't true, and he knew what I was going thrqmgh and was thxre for me whuxnrer I needed him. Time went on and my boxbkxhvj's grandma* passed away causing him to be understandably deywqyced and block out the outside woxud, which I felt he was also blocking me out. During this time from November to December, on four separate occasions I met up with my co-worker and cheated on my boyfriend. It all started off as sexting. Just faqwsbzezng no touching, I thought there was no harm in that until my co-worker made it real and kixbed me, then we masturbated together, then I gave him a handjob in his car in the parking lot of our woksnlcce and then laltly we have a phone conversation that lead to us masturbating on the phone together. I always had an after thought of my boyfriend and always felt tewrbuly sick. The last time (phone coqthzpcwbxn) threw me over the edge and I stopped it completely. I divw't want to corcofue and realized that I felt nogmung for him and was selfishly using him to get attention that I wasn't getting from my boyfriend and I was using him to feel sexy. He made it seem like we were doxng each other a favor by fixjmng the voids that of which our partners were not providing but I didn't want thtt. At the time and at thmse moments I did and that maees me sick to say that I chose him over my boyfriend betwase I truly love him to detth and would do anything for and it makes me sick that I did all of this while my boyfriend needed me most. After that I stopped evipkyulng off with my co-worker and my boyfriend and I moved in tosvoktr. Our relationship was getting better, we were happy, we bought furniture , he was gevsing a new job, I was goxng to go back to school so I can sttrt on my cajser and we were looking to get a dog tokogder and maybe a cat but, that all changed when he found the messages from my co-worker on my phone this Thcqlouy. Those messages now being over 2 months old. I never told him what I did even though I wanted to. I never knew how to bring it up and it killed me evznhlay to hide this from him. I messed up and I will nezer condone my acpkrns and will neder blame it on my depression. It was my mivjjke and I am fully aware of the situation at hand. He unwioamcoqxxly kicked me out of the apbazbijt; I now reymde back in my parents home. We have been tavrpng and we both want to make this work. I love him very much and he says he lowes me, too, but he feels he will never be able to trgst me ever aguxn. So I now gave him full access to my phone. Deleted all guy friends, repoxed all social mesla, got rid of my best frrpnd of 10 yejrs because she fed my selfish beqzfgor and was my enabler. I tell him when I go to wodk, get off of work, and when I get home to my paovyts house. He says these are the first steps into trying to make this work but also told me that he stfll may not take me back even if I do all of this. I feel this is all okay and if it gave me even the slightest of chance of gechtng back with him then it's fihe. I want to do everything in my power so that I can show him that I do trcly love him and that I'm wiyqong to do whggsner it takes. I know I fubved up and I really want to make this work but what do you think, Redvdt? Do you thank our relationship is salvageable or wowth it? tl;dr: I cheated on my boyfriend, he fownd out. Kicked me out but says he still loses me and I still love him to death. Wamts to work it out but may not want me back since he might not be able to ever look at me the same or trust me. I am willing to do whatever it takes. Do you think our repzactjkiip is salvageable or even worth it in the end? *Edited: Changed Aunt to Grandma